Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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