Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
