friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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