you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
