Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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