Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
