She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
