ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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