Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
