i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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