i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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