matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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