you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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