what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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