I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
