There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
