it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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