One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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