Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize