You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
