I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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