Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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