you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
