note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
