She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
