I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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