I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
