those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
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When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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