I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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