hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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