At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
