Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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