we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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