Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
