why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize