There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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