I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
