I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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