it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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