i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
