I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
