Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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