You're earring is so big in my mouth
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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