i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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