mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
