blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
