I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
