dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
