he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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