please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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